Showing posts with label Narcissism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Narcissism. Show all posts

Friday, June 19, 2015

Vanity Fair Grants Caitlyn Jenner the Title of Woman


Did Apple help pay for this Photo Shoot? 

At this point most everyone is aware of Bruce Jenner’s transition into Caitlyn Jenner. It’s old news.
But it’s worth asking, why do you know about it? Why does everyone know about it, and why was everyone talking about it?

Transexual people have been making gender transitions for decades, why the fuss over a former track star whose fame peaked before all millennials were born? (Yes, his gold medal was in 1976. For anyone under the age of 40 who doesn’t know what that’s about, Bruce Jenner was an Olympic Track athlete before he married a Kardashian.)

So, why Bruce Jenner? Simple reason, he hired a really skilled Hollywood PR Firm.  This piece at Vulture about the PR Firm and the media plan of the transition is worth reading.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with hiring a PR firm, and I’m not criticizing Jenner for doing so. As she said herself, “If I can make a dollar, I certainly am not stupid.” - can’t fault that. But the success of this PR Firm lends some insights into American culture that are worth exploring.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Tom Brady Didn't Do Anything Wrong and the NFL is bad RealityTV


Unless it’s wrong for a man to wear Uggs

Football is the most lucrative and watched sport in America. It dominates pop culture and is a way of life for areas with an NFL team. It’s also eating itself alive like an ouroboros.

When people think of the NFL they often think of men throwing around or carrying an oblong ball made of cow hide for our entertainment. While that may have been the primary product of the NFL in the past, today the NFL is about one thing and one thing only, continuous drama; the oblong ball is completely incidental.

In an effort to ensure that the NFL is the main topic of discussion on all websites and all TV networks, during all times (even those dreaded 7 months when the NFL is not playing games) the NFL has ensured that drama comes from all areas. Instead of contests of strength, strategy and luck centered around an oblong ball, the NFL instead focuses on drama filled topics such as; who is dating who, which player had the roughest childhood, which coach is the biggest meanie, facial hair grooming, grown men bullying each other, decorative headphones, insensitive team names, players throwing ‘shade’ on twitter, fashion, fan-stories, colors, children’s exercise regimens, and dancing sharks.

As a reminder, the NFL has its own TV network. 24/7. They have to find something to talk about, and fashionable dancing sharks is a good a choice as any.

In the recent bit of manufactured drama to feed the 24/7 news cycle - the most successful NFL team and most successful NFL Quarterback have been accused of cheating. That sounds serious. How did they cheat?  By supposedly deflating balls to slightly less than the preferred NFL level of 12.5 pounds per square inch.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Narcissism in the film 'In Bruges'


This is a picture of a narcissist

People still have trouble with the concept of narcissism. Over at The Last Psychiatrist (the inspiration for this blog) narcissism is defined loosely as “the narcissist thinking their life is a movie and they are the main character. All other people are side characters, extras, or don’t exist. Everything that happens in the universe is somehow connected to the narcissist. He/she is the main character after all.” More at TLP. 

There are some who have trouble with this definition because they associate narcissism with grandiosity and obsession with appearance; like a Jersey Shore cast member. This is not accurate, and is actually a defense; if you are not a Jersey Shore cast member, then this definition allows you to think you’re not a narcissist. Fail.

Below is a very short scene from the film In Bruges. It’s a film starring Colin Farrell and Ralph Fiennes written and directed by Martin McDonagh.
It’s a boring film in which nothing happens (I stopped watching after 10 minutes) - but this scene with the fat American narcissist is right at the start.

Watch it.



So why is this fat American a narcissist?

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Adult Pre-K is Your Substitute for God


Unless of course I’m paying $500 specifically to have someone tell me what to do.


In Brooklyn there is currently an Adult-Pre-K course run by Michelle Joni Lapidos. Her website is here: http://michellejoni.com/

At this Adult Pre-K grown women (and 1 guy) pay for sessions that mimic Pre-K activities; such as nap time and finger painting. This story briefly hit pop culture a few weeks ago, with predictable pundits complaining about things they didn't understand.

To be clear, part of the American Dream is finding ways to get fools to part with their money. Ms. Lapidos has clearly realized there was a market for Adult Pre-K classes and she decided to fill that market and turn a profit. Good for her. Anyone hating on her is misguided or jealous or, more likely, both.

Rather than criticize Ms. Lapidos it is much more instructive to look at why someone would want to attend such a class.

The pitch for the class on Ms. Lapidos website is here: http://michellejoni.com/preschool-mastermind/

Sure, it seems like Ms. Lapidos is selling Pre-K activities, like snacks, story time, and coloring. But those are all things any participant could easily do at home on their own time. Yet they are paying to instead do those things with Ms. Lapidos. This should tell you that the customers are really buying something else, something that Ms. Lapidos doesn’t directly articulate, but that they are connecting with on a non-conscious level.

For insight into that, some quotes from the class participants are illuminating.

They were all interviewed for this piece at WSJ. 
If it’s pay-walled sometimes clicking to it from Fbook can help (https://www.facebook.com/wsjsmallbusiness/posts/885207451530562)

For example:

“Steven Chu, a 30-year-old website developer and photographer who lives on the Upper East Side, hopes the class can dissolve his creative blocks and boost his entrepreneurial spirits. Four-year-olds don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, he notes. “Where did it happen, in growing up, that I let one ‘no’ or one person’s advice shut me down?” he says.”

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Is it better to be a Victim or Van Halen?


Sammy Hagar, incidentally, wants to be neither Victim nor Van Halen; 
he wants to be David Lee Roth. 



This story is a little old, here is a short recap:
  • In 2011-2012 a 14 year old male student at middle school in Texas develops feelings for his 28 year old female teacher.
  •  He informs her of these feelings, and she reciprocates.
  • They begin a physical relationship
  •  The parents discover it and get the teacher hauled off to jail.
  •  For bonus points, they told their son that he was wrong and they shamed him.
    • On National TV.
All of this happened and was covered by ABC 20/20.  I suggest you read the article and watch the video of the 20/20 piece.

20/20 claims the male student is now depressed and suicidal. If this is true, the fault lies entirely with The Parents.

Why?

Friday, March 6, 2015

Tennessee High School Girls Basketball Teams Punished - Why?

Two High School Girls Basketball teams from Tennessee are punished because both teams were trying to lose a game against each other. 

What did they do wrong?

This small event in Tennessee made national news. For a brief period in late Feb. 2015 this was a mainstream news story.
The vitriol in the comments section of those pieces is particularly interesting because it's so intense. Who knew people were so passionate about high school sports in states they don't live in?
I don’t know which side you, dear reader, are on, but if you’re on the “What those girls did was wrong” side, pause for a movement before we move forward.  Clearly articulate in your head your answer to this question “What, exactly did the girls do wrong?”
I’ll give you a few line breaks.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

The Problem is Right in Front of Your Face

Training to be a waitress 

I had been considering writing a piece about EliteDaily, a popular nonsense website made up of predominately American Narcissists under the age of 30. Similar to ThoughtCatalog. Rather than write that I went another way instead. 

The main observation was going to focus on the fact that EliteDaily doesn’t pay any of its writers. Yet each ‘writer’ churns out 4 to 5 posts a month, and lets EliteDaily soak in the benefits/clicks/revenue. For reference, EliteDaily seems to post 70+ pieces day.  With no compensation, why would anyone write for it?

Even more bizarrely their main competitor, ThoughtCatalog, has even written a post about why you should write for ThoughtCatalog instead. I had trouble focusing on its insanity, but their argument seems to be “We won’t pay you either, but we’re nicer about it!” I think? Maybe you’ll have better luck deciphering it. This piece on EliteDaily’s history is worth a look too. 

But really, this psychological problem of working for free on the internet is already covered over at TheLastPscyhiatrist in Alone’s last ever post.  So why rehash it?

Instead I was struck by a random piece by a young lady on EliteDaily titled “The Foolproof Way To Orgasm: Stop Sleeping With Douchebags” (spoiler alert it has nothing to do with orgasms. I know, I was disappointed too.) - Like nearly every post on the site it’s not actually a helpful how-to guide (as the title implies), but it instead reads like a journal entry; an overly personal live-journal post for those who remember live journal.

The young lady author (who you can find on Linkedin if you’re so inclined) rants about some douchebag she used to have relations with, and then congratulates herself because she claims she is no longer perusing douche-y guys. I’m not convinced, but more power to her.  
Why am I not convinced? Despite insulting her former flame as a “narcissist”, “self-serving”, “manipulative” and “psychopath” she also calls him her “counterpart” - her words.  Huh.

The most interesting part of her post was a throwaway line that I doubt struck her as odd or important. The start of her ‘how I met the douche’ story is this line:
“Immediately following my college graduation, I accepted a position as head hostess of a local chain restaurant.”
And there you have it folks. Again, you can find her Linkedin page.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Lincoln - Not Just a Republican President



You secretly want this

In 2014 the Lincoln car company released some TV advertisements featuring Matthew McConaughey.
They were given a lot of attention, supposedly because they were so odd. The adverts featured Matthew driving around, doing nothing, and trying to sound ‘deep’.

The adverts struck a cord with pop culture. Parody is arguably the highest form of flattery. Many people claimed they didn’t ‘get’ the ads, and therefore the bizarreness of the adverts was ripe for parody, including a memorable 3-parter by Jim Carrey on SNL (which he pitched himself according to interviews)




And this piece by Ellen.


On the off chance you’ve never seen the original Matthew adverts - here is one.


Lincoln just released two more adverts. So, now is a great time to talk about the series of adverts overall, and who they are targeting.

A basic truth of advertising is that advertising knows you better than you know yourself. Advertising teaches you not what to want, but HOW to want.
The Lincoln adverts are for a very specific type of person. Who is that person?

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Black Mirror Review: Episode S1E3 “The Entire History of You”


In the future we’re all unlikeable Wankers

Black Mirror S1E3 is boring and not worth watching. Here is how it could have been better. 

Here is a basic soap opera/lifetime plot that is reassuring in its predictability.

1)      Husband suspects wife is cheating on him. He suspects this because he comes home early from a business trip, arrives late to a dinner party his wife is at, and his wife is surprised and embarrassed because she was talking to another man, who she clearly finds much more interesting than her husband.
a.       (This is, hilariously, similar to the start of the Will Ferrell movie Old School)

2)      Husband becomes further suspicious when wife laughs at other-man’s jokes that aren’t funny.
3)      Husband becomes annoyingly passive aggressive in his accusations of wife being interested in other-man.
4)      As suspected, wife and other-man did indeed used to make the sex together, before she met husband. Wife admits it.
5)      As further suspected, wife admits she’s actually slept with other-man recently, despite being married to annoying passive-aggressive husband.
6)      And, by the way, that daughter that wife and passive-aggressive husband have? Yeah…… it’s other-man’s kid.
7)      Passive Aggressive husband and wife break-up. Husband is sad.
8)      Fin.

You’ve likely seen this story before, and it’s not any more interesting this time either. It is in fact woefully boring.

What’s disappointing is that the above scenario actually is the exact synopsis of the 3rd episode of the much buzzed about, much talked about UK Sci-Fi Horror Series – Black Mirror.

The buzz, save for this episode, is well deserved. Like all good Sci-Fi, Black Mirror takes a future setting and uses it to comment on the Now. Black Mirror is the best (arguably only) Sci-Fi fiction to really take the world of the internet, social media, and the death of old-media, and break it open to see what it’s guts look like.

Now available on Netflix in the US, the Yanquee’s are finally able to catch up on the best Sci-Fi series since the Twilight Zone.

·         The first episode of Black Mirror is a somewhat puerile (but worth watching) meditation on out-of-touch journalism, the wisdom of crowds, narcissism, shame, and participatory art.
·         The second episode is a combination of facebook, Wii Mii’s, American Idol, reality TV, prison, maintaining authority, subjugating the masses, freemium gaming, and love, all rolled into one of the most depressingly tragic visions of the future ever created.
·         The third episode is a soap opera in which every character is unlikeable and nothing interesting happens.


“How exactly is the above plot supposed to be Sci-Fi Horror?” you ask?

It’s not. Black Mirror S1E3 “The Entire History of You” is not Sci-Fi, it’s not Horror, and it’s not interesting. It’s standard soap opera drama. Its derivative and you should not waste your time watching it.

But – it’s clear that the writers/producers of Episode-3 think (incorrectly) that it is Sci-Fi because of a Sci-Fi tech feature in the world of the episode called a ‘Grain’.

Basically, nearly everyone in the show has a ‘Grain’ installed in their heads, a little piece of tech that allows them to replay the audio and video of every moment in their life (or maybe just since the grain was installed, it’s not explicitly clear). They can play back for solo watching in their own eyeballs, or they can seamlessly project the Grain video onto a TV for others to view as well.

This has some interesting implications that are sadly only touched on briefly in the epsidoe; for example to get through Security at the airport, you let security peek through the last 6 weeks of life, so they can confirm you weren’t building bombs or mingling with terrorists. The Grain is also a great nanny-cam, as you can play back the baby’s audio/video to ensure the babysitter cared for the baby properly. (Dealing with parents monitoring teenager’s activities via this process, without the teens consent, would have been interesting)

Instead, in Black Mirror S1E3, the Grain tech is merely used to confirm (not advance) the development of the plot. Rather than having passive-aggressive husband obsesses on his lonesome over whether wife laughed too much at the joke that wasn’t funny, he literally plays it back on the TV for himself, and other people.  
Rather than argue inconclusively (he-said/she-said) about whether wife had mentioned having a brief one-week fling with other-guy or a 6-month relationship, husband plays back the memory of their pillow talk after their first time, where wife lists her past relationships, and she really did downplay the other-guy incident to be only one-week. Yes. The husband is really that bad at pillow talk. “That was great. So now tell me about other times that were better!”
(Pro-Tip: guys – you should never ask about your girl’s past. If you ask, that just lets her know that you’re a weak insignificant tool who lacks confidence)

For additional terrible effect, the Grain is used to confirm that wife and other-guy did indeed sleep together recently….. and without a rubber (the Grain records all the close-up intimate details!) proving that daughter does not belong to passive-aggressive husband, but to other guy.


All of those plot events would have happened without the Grain. Wife was clearly unhappy with passive-aggressive husband, and their divorce was coming, Grain or no. And, for clarity, the episode makes it clear the cause of the initial rift in their relationship is not an over-reliance on tech, or living in the past via-Grain obsession, but just on the husband being a passive-aggressive unlikeable sad-sack loser.

And, because the paint-by-numbers plot could exist functionally without the inclusion of the Grain, the episode fails as Sci-Fi, and lacks any poignant social commentary bite. There is no commentary on the dangers of tech, or analysis of the dangers of replaying memories rather than experiencing them as they are happening. It’s just a story about unlikeable people in which the tech is incidental.

Here is how it could have been better.

How to Cure a Narcissist


No, the answer is not a bullet to the head.
A few primers before starting:
1) This cure is not guaranteed to work.
2) In this cure a narcissist is defined as someone who thinks they are the main character in their own movie. All other people are supporting character or extras. This is important as to a narcissist everything relates to them, and all other people lack agency of their own. Therefore a narcissist has no compassion, empathy, guilt, etc.
  • This is a different understanding of narcissism than the more classic view of people who are overly obsessed with their outward appearance (like a Jersey Shore cast member.) This style of narcissist can be ugly and/or fat, the key is that they think they are the only character in the movie.
  • To provide examples of this kind of narcissist. One example of this is a parent who uses children as a prop to communicate their own narcissistic identity to others. In this example, the child does not have agency, obviously as everything relates to the narcissist, a child is only an extension of the parent.http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/01/couple_reveals_childs_gender_f.html
  • In this other example the narcissist literally says that their life is a movie with themselves as the main character, in case it wasn’t clear. Read it.http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/07/why_parents_hate_parenting.html

In all likelihood a Narcissist is not aware that they are narcissists, and/or will vehemently deny being one when it’s pointed out to them. If this cure is attempted it’s vital that the cure not be presented to the narcissist as a cure for narcissism. The narcissist must be ‘tricked’ into performing the cure.

How to do this?

It’s a fair bet that the narcissist often does not get everything they want, in particular from other people. The narcissist does not understand why the cashier at Subway is rude to them and won’t give them a free cookie. The narcissist does not understand why their child hates them and will not do what they’re told. The narcissist does not understand why everyone at work avoids them. The narcissist likely cannot get people to do what the narcissist wants, which may baffle the narcissist, as after all aren’t they the main character in the movie? Why isn’t the supporting cast and the extras helping to advance the plot?!

Approach the narcissist. Say you want to help the narcissist. They’ll like that; it’s about them after all.  Ask the narcissist if they sometimes have trouble getting people to do what they want. Ask the narcissist if they have trouble getting people to like them. If the narcissist says yes to either of those things, then ask the narcissist if they’d like to fix that. Would they like it if they could get people do what they want, and get people to like them?

Ideally the narcissist will say yes.  At this point the cure can be suggested.

Suggest to the narcissist that they read the classic self-help book by Dale Carnegie –How to Win Friends and Influence People.