In the future we’re
all unlikeable Wankers
Black Mirror S1E3 is boring and not worth watching. Here is
how it could have been better.
Here is a basic soap opera/lifetime plot that is reassuring
in its predictability.
1)
Husband suspects wife is cheating on him. He
suspects this because he comes home early from a business trip, arrives late to
a dinner party his wife is at, and his wife is surprised and embarrassed because
she was talking to another man, who she clearly finds much more interesting
than her husband.
a.
(This is, hilariously, similar to the start of
the Will Ferrell movie Old School)
2)
Husband becomes further suspicious when wife laughs
at other-man’s jokes that aren’t funny.
3)
Husband becomes annoyingly passive aggressive in
his accusations of wife being interested in other-man.
4)
As suspected, wife and other-man did indeed used
to make the sex together, before she met husband. Wife admits it.
5)
As further suspected, wife admits she’s actually
slept with other-man recently, despite being married to annoying passive-aggressive
husband.
6)
And, by the way, that daughter that wife and
passive-aggressive husband have? Yeah…… it’s other-man’s kid.
7)
Passive Aggressive husband and wife break-up. Husband
is sad.
8)
Fin.
You’ve likely seen this story before, and it’s not any more
interesting this time either. It is in fact woefully boring.
What’s disappointing is that the above scenario actually is
the exact synopsis of the 3rd episode of the much buzzed about, much
talked about UK Sci-Fi Horror Series – Black Mirror.
The buzz, save for this episode, is well deserved. Like all
good Sci-Fi, Black Mirror takes a future setting and uses it to comment on the
Now. Black Mirror is the best (arguably only) Sci-Fi fiction to really take the
world of the internet, social media, and the death of old-media, and break it
open to see what it’s guts look like.
Now available on Netflix in the US, the Yanquee’s are
finally able to catch up on the best Sci-Fi series since the Twilight Zone.
·
The first episode of Black Mirror is a somewhat
puerile (but worth watching) meditation on out-of-touch journalism, the wisdom
of crowds, narcissism, shame, and participatory art.
·
The second episode is a combination of facebook,
Wii Mii’s, American Idol, reality TV, prison, maintaining authority, subjugating
the masses, freemium gaming, and love, all rolled into one of the most
depressingly tragic visions of the future ever created.
·
The third episode is a soap opera in which every
character is unlikeable and nothing interesting happens.
“How exactly is the above plot supposed to be Sci-Fi
Horror?” you ask?
It’s not. Black Mirror S1E3 “The Entire History of You” is
not Sci-Fi, it’s not Horror, and it’s not interesting. It’s standard soap opera
drama. Its derivative and you should not waste your time watching it.
But – it’s clear that the writers/producers of Episode-3
think (incorrectly) that it is Sci-Fi because of a Sci-Fi tech feature in the
world of the episode called a ‘Grain’.
Basically, nearly everyone in the show has a ‘Grain’
installed in their heads, a little piece of tech that allows them to replay the
audio and video of every moment in their life (or maybe just since the grain
was installed, it’s not explicitly clear). They can play back for solo watching
in their own eyeballs, or they can seamlessly project the Grain video onto a TV
for others to view as well.
This has some interesting implications that are sadly only
touched on briefly in the epsidoe; for example to get through Security at the
airport, you let security peek through the last 6 weeks of life, so they can
confirm you weren’t building bombs or mingling with terrorists. The Grain is
also a great nanny-cam, as you can play back the baby’s audio/video to ensure
the babysitter cared for the baby properly. (Dealing
with parents monitoring teenager’s activities via this process, without the
teens consent, would have been interesting)
Instead, in Black Mirror S1E3, the Grain tech is merely used
to confirm (not advance) the
development of the plot. Rather than having passive-aggressive husband obsesses
on his lonesome over whether wife laughed too much at the joke that wasn’t
funny, he literally plays it back on the TV for himself, and other people.
Rather than argue inconclusively (he-said/she-said) about
whether wife had mentioned having a brief one-week fling with other-guy or a
6-month relationship, husband plays back the memory of their pillow talk after
their first time, where wife lists her past relationships, and she really did
downplay the other-guy incident to be only one-week. Yes. The husband is really
that bad at pillow talk. “That was great.
So now tell me about other times that were better!”
(Pro-Tip: guys – you
should never ask about your girl’s past. If you ask, that just lets her know
that you’re a weak insignificant tool who lacks confidence)
For additional terrible effect, the Grain is used to confirm
that wife and other-guy did indeed sleep together recently….. and without a
rubber (the Grain records all the close-up intimate details!) proving that
daughter does not belong to passive-aggressive husband, but to other guy.
All of those plot events would have happened without the
Grain. Wife was clearly unhappy with passive-aggressive husband, and their
divorce was coming, Grain or no. And, for clarity, the episode makes it clear
the cause of the initial rift in their relationship is not an over-reliance on
tech, or living in the past via-Grain obsession, but just on the husband being
a passive-aggressive unlikeable sad-sack loser.
And, because the paint-by-numbers plot could exist
functionally without the inclusion of the Grain, the episode fails as Sci-Fi,
and lacks any poignant social commentary bite. There is no commentary on the
dangers of tech, or analysis of the dangers of replaying memories rather than
experiencing them as they are happening. It’s just a story about unlikeable
people in which the tech is incidental.
Here is how it could have been better.
Right off the bat, the story needs to be tragic. Right now,
it’s not, but that can be flipped with one key change, what if Wife is not
unfaithful and has not cheated on passive-aggressive husband.
Therefore: the daughter is biological to passive-aggressive
husband.
Furthermore: Wife wasn’t flirting with other-guy, but in
fact was asking him something more innocuous such as “how ‘bout them Yankees [or “how ‘bout them Arsenal” cause the show is
in the UK]”? – her surprise comes merely from having passive-aggressive husband
attend the dinner party he was supposed to miss.
To add additional sad-sack tragedy, she’s does know
other-guy, but it’s from something non-threating, like he used to date a friend
of hers, or they worked at the same job together years ago, or they had geometry
class together in college, etc. They
didn’t used to boink.
So absolving the wife of any blame, infidelity, or
wrong-doing, how could having the Grain memory-playback-device cause
passive-aggressive husband to self-destruct and fall away from his own marriage
and family?
It could be established that passive-aggressive husband has
very limited interest in his wife; or his daughter for that matter. Instead he
is far more addicted to watching replays of his early days with his wife, when
they still had that ‘spark’ – first dates, proposal, wedding, first time,
etc. As he can watch Grain replays solo,
in his own head, he could be doing so while, literally, sitting right next to
his wife; perhaps even as she’s trying to engage him and he’s ignoring her.
That’s a Black Mirror scenario that should be extremely familiar to most
couples today.
How to establish husband obsessing over other-guy? Keep the
awkwardness of wife being surprised by passive-aggressive husband, and keep the
wife laughing at other-guy’s joke that wasn’t actually funny.
Have husband play these two events over and over again, then
start accusing wife of interest (He’s
hotter than me isn’t he?) before jumping to outright accusations of
infidelity.
Husband can insist she replay the event (which is creepy and
causes shame) – make it clear that husband is devolving into stalker-material.
Further, establish that in the world of this episode, it is
against social norms to ask to see other people’s Grains, even significant
others (this dialogue can effortlessly be established at the boring dinner
party.)
Husband becomes enraged because Wife is reluctant to show
her Grain (it’s an invasion of privacy) and further enraged when he finds that
some time-frames in Wife’s Grain have been deleted (which was established as
possibility in the episode). According to Wife she’s deleted things that aren’t
worth remembering, like the 3 days where she had a god-awful stomach flu and it
was coming out both ends.
And while that is, truthfully, why she deleted 3 days,
husband will insist it was because she was with other-guy!
Make the marital problems spill out into other areas, make
Husband play back scenes (the laughing at not-funny joke) to other people and
ask them to critique wife’s actions. Have this occur with wife in the room and
have it be uncomfortable for all involved. Have this happen days/weeks after
wife thought the matter was settled. (This happens somewhat with the babysitter
very briefly, but this should be grander and more public in scale)
This could further degrade into unsubstantiated accusations
by passive-aggressive husband that the daughter isn’t his, due to any missing
days in wife’s Grain. This would be really paranoid next-level insanity that
shocks wife and her friends/associates when she informs them of husband’s
increasingly unhinged behavior.
Wife could make one last chance to connect with husband IRL,
not via Grain footage, and he could blow her off. She should grab daughter and
leave in a bid to get his attention, but he doesn’t actually notice them leave,
despite them being only a few feet away, because he’s too engrossed in a Grain
playback.
Cut to the end of the episode as it currently exists.
Husband wandering around a messy unkempt house (no longer a home), he gets to
open a paternity test letter that confirms baby is his, but with a clear “Fuck
you” message – and then he cuts the grain out of his neck. Tragedy.
Because now, the Grain actually was the problem (in addition
to the husband just being an idiot).
Whereas in the current version of the episode, the wife’s
infidelity is the core problem, the Grain doesn’t ‘cause’ the problem. The
Grain is incidental.
And that’s actual Sci-Fi Horror/Tragedy. The tech causes the
abandonment of human relationships, rather than takes a back seat as humans
destroy themselves regardless.
Fin. Let’s call for a re-shoot.
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